I Went To A Freak Show And

One Night She Told Me To Put Out The Garbage. I Told Her "you Cooked It, You Take It Out".

When I Told My Wife She Was Lousy In Bed - She Went Out - She Got A Second Opinion.

I Remember I Was So Depressed I Was Going To Jump Out A Window On The Tenth Floor; They Sent A Priest Up To Talk To Me And He Said, ' On Your Mark...'

If Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder, So Is Ugliness.

When I Was Born The Doctor Took One Look At My Face, Turned Me Over And Said, "look, Twins!"