I Watch A Lot Of Tv, I

If Only Opening A Vitamin Water Could Be Classified As Working Out.

Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine. It's Like, "take That, Lipitor."

I'm A Big Eater. I Mean, A Lot Of My Stand-up Is About Food, And You Write About What You Know, And That's The Only Thing I Know. I Don't Know Anything Else.

Comedians Kind Of Write What Comes To Them. You Can Give Yourself Little Assignments, But It's What Inspires You.

What Was The Idea Behind Hot Pockets? Was There A Marketing Meeting Somewhere, 'hey I Got An Idea: How About We Take A Pop-tart And Fill It With Really Nasty Meat? You Could Cook It In A Sleeve Thing, And You Could Dunk It In The Toilet.'