I Was So Keen To Become A

In My Local Newspaper, They Had This Advert: 'please Look After Your Neighbours In The Cold Weather'. I Live Next Door To This 84-year-old Woman, And Do You Know, Not Once Has She Come Round To See If I'm All Right. The Lazy Cow Hasn't Even Taken Her Milk In For A Fortnight.

In Particular, I Found Praying Very Disturbing, Like Swimming With Bricks Tied To Your Feet. And Yet I Was Drawn To It Constantly.

I Hate People Who Think It's Clever To Take Drugs... Like Custom Officers.

Make Lots Of Money. Enjoy The Work. Operate Within The Law. Choose Any Two Of Three

My Character, Rick Spleen, Is A What-if Version Of Me, Really, Where Nothing Did Quite Turn Out Right And Everything Else Is Still Around The Corner.