I Was In A Panto Last Year,

A Traffic Policeman Stops Sister Bridget For Speeding. She Pulls Into The Side Of The Road And Winds Down Her Window. The Officer Walks Round And Starts Undoing His Fly. "oh Dear," She Says, "not The Breathalyser Again."

I Just Want To Apologise For Being Late. I Was Flying Back From Spain And The Air Hostess Said: "we Are Two Hours Late Mr Carson." When I Asked Why, She Said: "the Pilot Has Heard A Funny Noise In The Engine That He Doesn't Like, So We Are Waiting On Another Pilot Who Can't Hear It."

I'm Not Really A Homosexual. I Just Help Them Out When They're Busy.

What's The Difference Between My Wife And A Terrorist? You Can Negotiate With A Terrorist.

My Wife Said To Me: 'if You Won The Lottery, Would You Still Love Me?' I Said: 'of Course I Would. I'd Miss You, But I'd Still Love You.'