I Was In A Panto Last Year,

Someone Threw A Petrol Bomb At Alex Higgins Once And He Drank It!

A Man Walked Into A Shop And Asked, "how Much Are Your Eggs?" He Said "£1.40 A Dozen". He Then Asked: "how Much Are Your Cracked Ones?" He Said: "35p". He Said: "crack Us Four Dozen."

An Englishman, Irishman And Scotsman Were Invited To A Christmas Party. The Englishman Brought A Bag Of Tinsel, The Scotsman Brought A Bag Of Holly And They Asked The Irishman: "what Have You Brought?" He Said: "i Brought A Pair Of Knickers." They Asked: "what Has That Got To Do With Christmas?" He Said "they're Carol's."

A Girl Asks Her Doctor, "doctor, I've Forgotten To Take My Contradictory Pill!" The Doctor Says: "are You Ignorant?" The Girl Says: "yes, Three Months!"

A Man Was Found Dead Covered In Sprinkles, Strawberry Sauce And A Flake. Reports Said He May Have Topped Himself.