I Was An Ugly Kid; When I

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. The Time I Was Kidnapped, And The Kidnappers Sent My Parents A Note They Said, "we Want Five Thousand Dollars Or You'll See Your Kid Again."

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

My Wife And I Have Olympic Sex. Once Every Four Years.

I Was Making Love To This Girl And She Started Crying. I Said, "are You Going To Hate Yourself In The Morning?" She Said, "no, I Hate Myself Now."

One Time I Went To A Hotel. I Asked The Bellhop To Handle My Bag. He Felt Up My Wife!