I Was An Angst-y Journal Writing Kid.

If It's Not Bourbon Or Sweatpants, It's Going In The Garbage.... No, Don't Get Creative. Now Is Not A Creative Time. Now Is A Bourbon And Sweatpants Time.

Sometimes Its Nice When People You Love Need You.

That Woman Was Sexy. . . . Out Of Your League? Son, Let Women Figure Out Why They Won't Screw You. Don't Do It For Them.

My Parents Had Irrational Fears Of Mexico And Assumed That Once You Crossed The Border, Drug Runners Made You Swallow A Heroin Balloon And Then Within The Hour You Were In A Bathtub Full Of Ice And They Were Harvesting Your Kidneys.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick Your Furniture Like You Pick A Wife; It Should Make You Feel Comfortable And Look Nice, But Not So Nice That If Someone Walks Past It They Want To Steal It.