I Was A Lawyer For 10 Years,

Whenever I See People With Their Collars Up, I'm Tempted To Point It Out To Them Like You Would For Someone Who Has A Food Stain On Their Shirt Or Food In Their Teeth, As If To Say, 'your Fashion Sense Is So Offensive I'm Assuming It's Some Sort Of Accident You'll Want To Fix.

It's Best To Love Your Family As You Would A Siberian Tiger-from A Distance, Preferably Separated By Bars.

My Wife Staci Made Me Go To A Wedding Last Weekend...if It Weren’t For Her, I’d Be Happy.

The Writing Is Done On The Computer, And The Drawing Is Done By Hand. I Write, Write, Write, Then I Hit The Illustration.

I'm Very Harsh On Real Estate Agents. I'm Not Sure Why. Maybe It's Because Of How The Call Every Small House 'charming' And Every Run-down House A 'great Fixer-upper'. Just Once, I'd Like Them To Show Me A House And Declare, 'this One's A Piece Of Crap'.