When You Can't Draw Chameleons And You

If You Put Me In South Park, That Audience Is Going To Fall Asleep In Five Minutes.

A Stand-up Comedian Faces The Audiences And Gets Their Immediate Feedback. I Hide Behind The Comic Strip, And Unless People Write To Me, I Dont Know What They Think.

I Was A Lawyer For 10 Years, And When Youre In Law, Things Really Have To Get Done, Or Somebody Sues You. Its A Great Trick.

I Recently Forced Myself To Read A Book On Quantum Physics, Just To Try And Learn Something New. I Was Confused By The Middle Of The First Sentence And It All Went Downhill From There. The Only Thing I Can Remember Learning Is That A Parallel Universe Can Theoretically Be Contained On The Head Of A Needle. I Don't Really Know What That Means, But I Am Now More Careful Handling Needles.

I'm Very Harsh On Real Estate Agents. I'm Not Sure Why. Maybe It's Because Of How The Call Every Small House 'charming' And Every Run-down House A 'great Fixer-upper'. Just Once, I'd Like Them To Show Me A House And Declare, 'this One's A Piece Of Crap'.