I Want To Thank My Parents For

The Comedy For The Democrats Is That They're Showing Off Too Much. They Need To Be Putting A Boring White Guy Out There To Kind Of Get A Hold Of Things. Once The Boring White Guy Is Out There, Then You Bust Out The Junior Senator From Illinois Who Smokes And Does Cocaine.

I Think Someone Should Design Exercise Machines That Reward People With Sex At The End Of Their Workouts, Because People Will Perform Superhuman Feats For Even The Faint Hope Of That.

...i Can't Possibly Take Time Off For A Second Baby, Unless I Do, In Which Case That Is Nobody's Business And I'll Never Regret It For A Moment Unless It Ruins My Life.

In Real Life, People In The Most Dire Situations Must Cope Through Humor.

Television Is A Runaway Train That You Have To Get On For Nine Months Of The Year. But At The Same Time, It Has A Wonderful Immediacy.