Everybody Kind Of Gets To Be The

I’ve Always Been Able To Tell A Lot About People By Whether They Ask Me About My Scar. Most People Never Ask, But If It Comes Up Naturally Somehow And I Offer Up The Story, They Are Quite Interested. Some People Are Just Dumb: 'did A Cat Scratch You?' God Bless. Those Sweet Dumdums I Never Mind. Sometimes It Is A Fun Sociology Litmus Test, Like When My Friend Ricky Asked Me, 'did They Ever Catch The Black Guy That Did That To You?' Hmmm. It Was Not A Black Guy, Ricky, And I Never Said It Was.

Will Ferrell Is A Dangerous Man. If He Thinks You're In His Way In Show Business, He Will Crack Your Head Open. He's The Jeff Gillooly Of Comedy.

Only In Comedy, By The Way, Does An Obedient White Girl From The Suburbs Count As Diversity.

As An Improviser, I Always Find It Jarring When I Meet Someone In Real Life Whose First Answer Is No. “no, We Can’t Do That.” “no, That’s Not In The Budget.” “no, I Will Not Hold Your Hand For A Dollar.” What Kind Of Way Is That To Live?

I Hire People That Are Good, And Aren't Crazy. Or Assholes. Because That Takes Up Too Much Time. There Are Just As Many Good People Who Are Not Crazy.