I Want The Roast To Be Like

Last Time I Was In Canada Celine Dion Had Just Given Birth To Identical Twins. Which Is Quite An Achievement Given Her Age And Face.

My Best Friend Is Disabled. There's Nothing He Hates More Than Being Left Out Of The Jokes, To Be Treated With Kid Gloves. That's The Insult.

My Parents, Grandparents, Aunts And Uncles Were All Funny, And I Felt That Energy, That Delivery, That Timing, That Sarcasm. All That Stuff Seeped Into My Brain.

Comedians A Lot Of Times We're On The Road, We're By Our Self. We Come Home To New York To Our Empty One-bedroom Apartment, You Know, And We Need A Place To Go Where You See A Bunch Of Other Miserable People Sit Around And Eat A Corned Beef Sandwich.

Comics Just Don't Retire. They Either Die Young Or They Go To 100.