I Want London To Be A Competitive,

I Want To Win And I Want To Be In Office.

It Is Said That The Queen Has Come To Love The Commonwealth, Partly Because It Supplies Her With Regular Cheering Crowds Of Flag-waving Picaninnies; And One Can Imagine That Blair, Twice Victor Abroad But Enmired At Home, Is Similarly Seduced By Foreign Politeness. They Say He Is Shortly Off To The Congo. No Doubt The Ak47s Will Fall Silent, And The Pangas Will Stop Their Hacking Of Human Flesh, And The Tribal Warriors Will All Break Out In Watermelon Smiles To See The Big White Chief Touch Down In His Big White British Taxpayer-funded Bird.

I Dont See Why People Are So Snooty About Channel Five. It Has Some Respectable Documentaries About The Second World War. It Also Devotes Considerable Airtime To Investigations Into Lap-dancing, And Other Related And Vital Subjects

We Should Celebrate Immigrants And Everything They Do For Our Country.

I Think The Risks That People See Of Terrorism Are Incredibly Important But We Are Very Confident We Have Got The Right People On It And The Risks Have Been Minimised.