I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When

Elizabeth Taylor Was So Fat That Whenever She Went To London In A Red Dress, 30 Passengers Would Try To Board Her.

I Use A Smoke Alarm As A Timer.

I Lived To Be On Stage, And I'm Terrified. Terrified Before Every Show.

I Am So Out Of The Loop. I Am Never Honored. My Career Is Hilarious To Me. I Am Either Under The Radar Or Over The Radar.

My Daughter Refuses To Call Me Mother In Public; My Little Grandson Calls Me Spongeslob Squarebottom, And Nobody Else Ever Calls Me At All.