I’ve Always Had Dreams. When I Was

They've Got Great Parents; I'm Just Trying To Be The Fun Uncle.

And Then Before Going Back For My Sophomore Year, I Decided To Change My Major To Arts And Sciences, And My Dad Cut A Deal With Me: He Said If I'd Quit School He'd Pay My Rent For The Next Three Years, As If I Were In School.

As A Kid, I Was Terrified. I Was A Bed Wetter And I Had To Go To Sleepaway Camp Every Summer, Which Was Humiliating And Terrifying. I Had Lots Of Insecurities And Scaredness. I Covered It With Being Funny And Tough, But It's Hard To Be Tough When You're Making Your Cot In Your Bunk Over Soaking Wet Sheets And Acting Like Nobody Can Smell Anything.

I've Always Kept My Overhead Low So I Could Do Whatever I Want. I Think Of Myself As Lazy With Spurts Of Getting A Lot Done. I Find Myself Rooting Against Things Sometimes Because I Get Excited At The Thought Of A Clean Slate.

I Didn't Lose My Virginity Until I Was Twenty-six. Nineteen Vaginally, But Twenty-six What My Boyfriend Calls "the Real Way".