I Used To Have Mad Cow's Disease,

[to Audience Members Who Were Arriving Late] You Haven't Missed A Thing, I Was Just Killing Time 'til You Got Here.

I'm A Huge Film Star... But You Have To Hurry To The Movies, Because I Usually Die In The First 15 F--ing Minutes. I'm The Only Guy I Know Who Died In A F--ing Muppet Movie.

What Always Staggers Me Is That When People Blow Their Noses, They Always Look Into Their Hankies To See What Came Out. What Do They Expect To Find?

There's No Such Thing As Bad Weather - Only The Wrong Clothes.

For Me, It's About The Desire To Win. My Audience Becomes A Crowd Of Wild Animals And I Have To Be The Lion-tamer Or Be Eaten.