I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have

Never Tell Your Wife She's Bad In Bed. She'll Go Out And Get A Second Opinion.

At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's Lap. His Fly Was Open ! Boy What A Present He Gave Me !

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. When I Went On The Roller Coaster, My Old Man Told Me To Stand Up Straight.

What A Doctor I've Got - He's Really Mixed Up. Last Week, He Grabbed My Knee And Told Me To Cough. Then Hit Me In The Balls With A Hammer.

She Was So Fat That Her Bikini Is Made Out Of Two Bed Sheets (king-size).