I Still Feel Pangs Of Remorse Over

I'm A Comedian, For God's Sake. Viewers Shouldn't Trust Me. And You Know What? They're Hip Enough To Know They Shouldn't Trust Me. I'm Just Doing Stand-up Comedy.

I Love This Country For Several Reasons, Not The Least Of Which Is That I Know I'm Allowed To Hate It If I Want To.

Martha Stewart Denied Allegations That She Had Been Given Inside Information To Sell 4,000 Shares Of A Stock In A Biotech Firm. Stewart Then Showed Her Audience How To Make A Festive, Quick-burning Yule Log Out Of Freshly-shredded Financial Documents.

Campaign Analysts Say That Dean Has Produced The Most Innovative Web Site In This Year's Presidential Race. I Particularly Like Today's Blog, Which Consisted Of The Sentence 'i Hate Myself,' Typed Four Billion Times. In Dean's Case, This May Be The First Instance Where The Actually Entity Represented By The Web Site Has Crashed More Often Than The Site Did.

Tv Evangelists Say They Don't Favor Any Particular Denomination, But I Think We've All Seen Their Eyes Light Up At Tens And Twenties.