I Smoke So Much. Three Packs A

I Hang Out With My Dad Mostly, My Dad Was In The Military. He's At That Age Now Where His War Stories And Other Stories Have Blended Together, So Now You Don't Know What He's Talking About. One Time, We Were Surrounded, Then We Ran Out Of Ammo, Then We Were Fighting Hand-to-hand, Then We Started Dancing, And That's How I Met Your Mother.

Women Have All The Power Because Women Have All The Vaginas.

Men Are Having Sex With Animals And We Wonder Why The Animals Attack Us. And I'll Tell You Why: It's Cuz Of That One Sick Man, And It's Up To Me And A Half-mexican To Stop Him.

Here's A Tip: Never Get Drunk While Wearing A Hooded Sweatshirt. You Will Eventually Think There's Someone Right Behind You.

Pre-mature Ejaculation. Let's Talk About It. Premature Ejaculation. That's A Pretty Fancy Term For, "ooooooh Oh No. This Has Never Happened Before."