I Saw A Commercial For The Maxi

If Women Built The Bridges Or Were Meant To Build The Bridges, Then They Would Have Done It.

When I'm In Power, Here's How I'm Gonna Put The Country Back On Its Feet. I'm Going To Put Sterilizing Agents In The Following Products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, And Thick-crust Pizza. Only The 'tardiest Of The 'tards Like The Thick Crust.

The Reason Why You Know More Funny Dudes Than Funny Chicks Is That Dudes Are Funnier Than Chicks. If My Daughter Has A Mediocre Sense Of Humor, I'm Just Gonna Tell Her, "be A Staff Writer For A Sitcom. Because They'll Have To Hire You, They Can't Really Fire You, And You Don't Have To Produce That Much. It'll Be Awesome."

My Mom Was On Welfare And The Occasional Food Stamp, But I Have Never Participated In Any Of Those Governmental Programs, Even The Ones That Kind Of Work Like Education, Scholarships And Whatever, And I Managed To Do Just Fine.

It's Like The Fouth Of July In My Underpants.