I Remember Being Fascinated By The Very

In 1987, I Was In Edinburgh Doing My First One-man Show. I Took Part In A Kickabout With Some Fellow Comedians And Tripped Over My Trousers And Heard This Cracking Sound In My Leg. A Couple Of Days Later I Went Into A Coma And Was Diagnosed With A Pulmonary Embolism.

If You Stay In A House And You Go To The Bathroom And There Is No Toilet Paper, You Can Always Slide Down The Banisters. Don't Tell Me You Haven't Done It.

My Favourite Riposte To A Heckle Is To Say, 'excuse Me, I'm Trying To Work Here. How Would You Like It If I Stood Yelling Down The Alley While You're Giving Blow Jobs To Transsexuals?'

I Was Trying To Organise My Dvds Into A Sort Of Chronological Order, And I Am Afraid That It All Trailed Off After The Sixties.

All Disc Jockeys Are Without Talent. Noel Edmonds - I Can't Stand Noel Edmonds.