I Realize I Look Very Hip Hop

My Wife Always Asks Me Why I Don't Make The Bed. And I Respond With The Same Reason Why I Don't Tie My Shoes After I Take Them Off.

I Know That Colbert Could Quote Thomas Aquinas And All This, But I'm Somebody Who, Because It's A Necessity For Me On A Personal Basis. I Need It Because I'm A Lunatic.

Playing Frisbee With A Five Year Old Is Amazingly Similar To Chasing After A Frisbee.

The Hardest Part Of The Day Is All The Stuff After I Open My Eyes In The Morning.

I Don't Know What's More Exhausting About Parenting: The Getting Up Early, Or Acting Like You Know What You're Doing.