I Only Drink To Steady My Nerves...

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

A Comic Should Suffer As Much Over A Single Line As A Man With A Hernia Would In Picking Up A Heavy Barbell.

How Is The Human Race Going To Survive Now That The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Two Dollars A Quart?

There Are Seven Natural Openings In The Head And Body. A Lawyer Is The Only Human Being With Eight. The Extra One Is A Slot To Store Money In, Should His Bank Be Unable To Hold All Of It.

I Like Thieves. Some Of My Best Friends Are Thieves. Why, Just Last Week We Had The President Of The Bank Over For Dinner.