I Never Set Out To Do A

It Would Be Nice If People Said, God Bless You Not Just When You Sneezed But Also When You Farted.

Fire Truck With Back End On Fire Drives Really Fast In Circles.

Vampires Probably Don't Have Great Breath.

A Lot Of Things Look Cooler In Slow Motion. Eating Isn't One Of Them.

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.