I Never Leave A Dog Alone In

It's Hard To Be Happy For Someone When You Know Deep Down They'd Kill You If They Had The Chance.

Text A Guy You Like Right Now, "i'm Thinking About You." If He Says, "mmm Are You In Bed?" Never Speak To Him Again He's A Lifelong Moron.

If Haters Or Whatever Want To Find You - I Mean, Some Of Them Are So Tenacious. You Want To Hire Them To Work For You. Theyre Very, Very Savvy In Terms Of How They Find You And Get To You.

I'm Really Great In Other Peoples Relationships.

I'm Sure That People Who Have Been Tweeting Funny Things Have Ended Up On Writing Staffs Of A Late Night Show.