I Never Knew If I Would Get

Every Sunday My Dad Calls To Ask If I Went To Church. And Every Sunday I Lie And Say: Sorry. Wrong Number.

In A Late-night Monologue, It's Not Just About Being Funny; You Have To Come Off As Knowledgeable. You Have To Cultivate A Persona Of Trust And Intelligence And Likeability.

I'm Trying To Teach My Girlfriend How To Surf. But I Just End Up Yelling At Her The Whole Time. Because I Don't Know How To Surf.

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex Doll. Brand New.