I Love You Like A Fat Kid

I Was Surprised To Learn That Doing Household Chores Qualifies As Romantic For Most Of You [women]. That's Exactly Why You Should Never Hire A Butler If You Strike It Rich - The Minute That Jeeves Starts Unloading The Dishwasher Without Being Asked, Your Wife Is Going To Start Humping His Leg.

I Can't Memorize Names And Shake Hands At The Same Time.

The Greenest Home Is The One You Don't Build. If You Really Want To Save The Earth, Move In With Another Family And Share A House That's Already Built. Better Yet, Live In The Forest And Eat Whatever The Squirrels Don't Want.

The Only Risk Of Failure Is Promotion.

You Might Argue That My Example Is Bad Because Einstein Is Dead. But According To Physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein Is Neither Dead Nor Alive Until We Dig Him Up And Open The Casket. If He's Alive, He Might Want His Brain Back, Which I Understand Is In A Ziplock Bag In Some Guy's Freezer. And This Is A Perfect Example Of Why Examples Always Distract From The Main Point.