I Love Sleep. I Need Sleep. We

Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine. It's Like, "take That, Lipitor."

Even When You Hear About A Comedian Getting Married, Among Comedians, We're Always Kind Of Like, What Are They Doing?

Gyms Are Always Packed. The Only Machine Available Is The One That Simulates The Gynecological Exam. You Know, The Sharon Stone Machine.

Have You Seen The Bologna That Has The Olives In It? Who's That For? 'i Like My Bologna Like A Martini. With An Olive.' 'i'll Have The Bologna Sandwich - Dirty.'

My Whole Comic Persona Is That Of A Guy Who Explores The Id: I Romanticize Gluttony, I Romanticize Laziness, And People Identify With That.