I Love How You Just Make Coffee

Where Lipstick Is Concerned, The Important Thing Is Not Color, But To Accept God's Final Word On Where Your Lips End.

The Swiss Have An Interesting Army. Five Hundred Years Without A War. Pretty Impressive. Also Pretty Lucky For Them. Ever Seen That Little Swiss Army Knife They Have To Fight With? Not Much Of A Weapon There. Corkscrews. Bottle Openers. ‘come On, Buddy, Let’s Go. You Get Past Me, The Guy In The Back Of Me, He’s Got A Spoon. Back Off, I’ve Got The Toe Clippers Right Here.

I Think Vacations Are Mostly Completely Stupid. Going To Have Coffee With A Friend, You're Probably Going To Have More Fun Than If You Go To Aruba.

Writer's Block Is A Phony, Made Up, Bs Excuse For Not Doing Your Work.

What's With This Weird Hotel Custom Of Leaving A Piece Of Chocolate On The Pillow? I Awoke Thinking My Brain Had Hemorrhaged Some Sort Of Fecal Matter.