When Someone Does A Small Task Beautifully,

The Irs! They're Like The Mafia, They Can Take Anything They Want!

I Love Advertising Because I Love Lying.

Comedy Is Just Complaining In An Entertaining Way, Enterplaining.

It's Amazing That The Amount Of News That Happens In The World Every Day Always Just Exactly Fits The Newspaper.

Being A Good Husband Is Like Being A Good Stand-up Comic - You Need Ten Years Before You Can Even Call Yourself A Beginner.