My Wife Is A Saint. She's Gandhi.

I'd Like A Nice Piece Of Salmon That's Not Too Pink Inside And Yet Isn't Too Dry Or Crisp Either.

Some Dead People Said Smart Stuff.

I Love Watching People Get Hit In The Crotch. But Only If They Get Back Up. If Their Teeth Are Bleeding, If They're Really Hurt, If An Ambulance Has To Come, I'm Not Laughing.

I Have A Feeling I'm Going To Wake Up One Day And Say 'i Can't Do Dirty Stuff Anymore, I Want To Go All Clean.' I'll Do Clean Stuff Too, I Like To Entertain People. Then They Egged Me On; We Shot It At The Laugh Factory.

What Do You Do If You're In The Car And Your Girlfriend Touches Your Crotch Then Asks You To Remind Her To Get Kitchen Scissors?