I Like Mitt Romney. He Looks Like

This Osama Bin Laden, Now They Say He Has Had Plastic Surgery. They Say He Sneaked Across The Border Into Pakistan, Which By The Way Is The Place To Go To Have Plastic Surgery. He Looks Great. A Tourist Came Up To Him Earlier This Week And Said, 'may I Have Your Autograph, Mr. Hasselhoff?'

Iraq's Elite Republican Guard Is Doing So Badly They're Changing Their Name To The Democratic Guard.

Former President Bill Clinton Is On The Program Tonight. He Says That While His Wife Runs For President, He Would Like To Stay Out Of The Limelight. Well, He's Certainly Come To The Right Place. He'll Be Fine Here.

Today Was Opening Day For The New Congress In Washington. And Vice President Joe Biden Swore In The New Batch Of White House Fence Jumpers.

Did You Folks See President Bush's State Of The Union Address? How About That Surprise Announcement? Howard Dean Has Been Captured And He's In The Hands Of Interrogators.