I Just Try To Get People To

Listen, You Don't Know Any Better So I'll Just Tell You. You Can't Try To Save Money By Not Having The Right Beer. You Know, You Can Skip Having Medical Insurance, You Can Buy Everything You Own At A Swap Meet But The Right Beer Is What Makes Living Like This Possible.

There's A Game Called Checkout Where There's Grocery Items And It's How Much You Think The Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price Is And We Add Up Your Total, Then Your Total Has To Be Within $2 Of The Regular Total. I Don't Think I Could Ever Win That Game.

The Best Thing About Las Vegas Is That No One Pretends To Be Responsible For Your Behavior Like They Do In The Rest Of The Country. There's No Meddling Self-righteous Liberals Or Right-wing Christian Demagogues Telling You That You Can't Do Something Fun With Your Own Time And Money. If You Can Afford It, It's Yours.

It Sucks Being Fat, You Know.

I've Always Got Stuff In My Head In Case I Meet Somebody Like Steven Spielberg Or Someone Like That, Where I Can Hopefully Say Something To Them That Nobody Else Has Ever Said And Get A Laugh Out Of Them.