I Haven't Slept For Ten Days, Because

Earlier I`ve Done Hatever I Could Get My Hands On To Do For A Living. I Tried A Couple Of Different Things, But Kitchen Work Was The Best For Me, Because I Took To A Nomadic Lifestyle Before I Started Doing Comedy. If You Travel And Get To A Town And Need A Job, Restaurants Are Always There.

You Know When A Company Wants To Use Letters In Their Phone Number, But Often They'll Use Too Many Letters? "call 1-800-i-really-enjoy-brand-new-carpeting." Too Many Letters, Man, Must I Dial Them All? "hello? Hold On, Man, I'm Only On 'enjoy.' How Did You Know I Was Calling? You're Good, I Can See Why They Hired You!"

Y'know, You Can't Please All The People All The Time... And Last Night, All Those People Were At My Show.

A Dog Came To My Door, So I Gave Him A Bone, The Dog Took The Bone Into The Back Yard And Buried It. I'm Going To Go Plant A Tree There, With Bones On It, Then The Dog Will Come Back And Say, "shoot! It Worked! I Must Distribute These Bones Equally For I Have A Green Paw!"

When I Was A Boy, I Laid In My Twin-sized Bed And Wondered Where My Brother Was.