I Have No Sex Appeal. If My

Women Should Look Good. Work On Yourselves. Education? I Spit On Education. No Man Is Ever Going To Put His Hand Up Your Dress Looking For A Library Card.

But You Do Have To Learn, If You Want To Be A Satirist, You Can't Be Part Of The Party. Meaning, You Can't Go Horseback Riding With Jackie O In Central Park If You're Going To Make A Joke About Her That Night.

Joan Collins Told A Reporter That She Hasn't Had Plastic Surgery; Come On... She's Had More Tucks Than A Motel Bedsheet!

Life Is Hard. And We Better Laugh At Everything, Otherwise We're Going Down The Tube.

A Woman Went To A Plastic Surgeon And Asked Him To Make Her Like Bo Derek. He Gave Her A Lobotomy.