I Made Mistakes And I Broke The

I Don't Like Sex ... I'm A Single Working Mom With Nine Cats, A Dog-shark, A Lizard, And A Bunny. I Don't Go To Bed, I Pass Out. The Idea That I'd Get To My Bed And There'd Be Someone In There With Whom I Was Supposed To Have An Activity Is Horrifying To Me.

I’m An Atheist. The Good News About Atheists Is That We Have No Mandate To Convert Anyone. So You’ll Never Find Me On Your Doorstep On A Saturday Morning With A Big Smile Saying ‘just Stopped By To Tell You There Is No Word. I Brought Along This Little Blank Book I Was Hoping You Could Take A Look At.’

I'm Really More Prolific Than Most Stand-ups. My Act Changes. I Do Fold In New Experiences, New Observations, Whatever You Want To Call It.

You Know, In Politics When You Come In Third, It's A Win.

I Was Court-ordered To Alcoholics Anonymous On Television. Pretty Much Blows The Hell Out Of The Second A, Wouldn't You Say?