I Have Enough Money To Last Me

If An Englishman Gets Run Down By A Truck He Apologizes To The Truck.

I Always Thought Music Was More Important Than Sex—then I Thought If I Don't Hear A Concert For A Year-and-a-half It Doesn't Bother Me.

The Main Problem With The Democrats Is Their Utter Negativity. They're Made Up Of Schumucks And Hypocrites. They Also Have Higher Levels Of Immorality.

My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table. What Difference Does It Make If I'm 70 Or If I'm 20? The Audience Knows They Aren't Getting Any Old Stories From Me.

It Is More Profitable For Your Congressman To Support The Tobacco Industry Than Your Life.