I Have A Thing For Tools.

Jill : What Causes Sibling Rivalry? Tim : Having More Than One Kid!

Women Now Have Choices. They Can Be Married, Not Married, Have A Job, Not Have A Job, Be Married With Children, Unmarried With Children. Men Have The Same Choice We've Always Had: Work, Or Prison.

My Mom Said The Only Reason Men Are Alive Is For Lawn Care And Vehicle Maintenance.

Electricity Can Be Dangerous. My Nephew Tried To Stick A Penny Into A Plug. Whoever Said A Penny Doesn't Go Far Didn't See Him Shoot Across That Floor. I Told Him He Was Grounded.

The World Is Your Oyster When You Are Successful. That Was When I Was Getting Scripts. I Was Planning For This. I Like This Business. Parts Of It I Love, And I Didn't Want It To Just End. The Further You Get Away From Your Success, The Less Your Phone Rings. The Next Thing You Know, It's 20 Years Later And You're In A Mall Going, "remember When Al And I Used To Do Something Like This.