I Have A Hat. It Is Graceful

Cats Invented Self-esteem; There Is Not An Insecure Bone In Their Body.

When Mothers Talk About The Depression Of The Empty Nest, They're Not Mourning The Passing Of All Those Wet Towels On The Floor, Or The Music That Numbs Your Teeth, Or Even The Bottle Of Capless Shampoo Dribbling Down The Shower Drain. They're Upset Because They've Gone From Supervisor Of A Child's Life To A Spectator. It's Like Being The Vice President Of The United States.

Next To Hot Chicken Soup, A Tattoo Of An Anchor On Your Chest, And Penicillin, I Consider A Honeymoon One Of The Most Overrated Events In The World.

Phrases And Their Actual Meanings: My Teacher Has Never Liked Me. Expect A Phone Call Before Lunch From The Teacher Informing You That Your Child Has Been Launching Hot Dogs By Compressing Them Inside A Small Thermos And Then Removing The Lid Quickly.

I Love My Mother For All The Times She Said Absolutely Nothing.... Thinking Back On It All, It Must Have Been The Most Difficult Part Of Mothering She Ever Had To Do: Knowing The Outcome, Yet Feeling She Had No Right To Keep Me From Charting My Own Path. I Thank Her For All Her Virtues, But Mostly For Never Once Having Said, "i Told You So.