I Hate You." I Love You." You're

I Was Suddenly Very Aware Of The Fact It Was Me Standing Up In That Tunnel With The Wind Over My Face. Not Caring If I Saw Downtown. Not Even Thinking About It. Because I Was Standing In The Tunnel. And I Was Really There. And That Was Enough To Make Me Feel Infinite.

"i Hate You." My Sister Said It Different Than She Said It To My Dad. She Meant It With Me.she Really Did. "i Love You," Was All I Could Say In Return. "you're A Freak, You Know That? Everyone Says So. They Always Have." "i'm Trying Not To Be.” Then, I Turned Around And Walked To My Room And Closed My Door And Put My Head Under My Pillow And Let The Quiet Put Things Where They Are Supposed To Be.

It's Kind Of Like When You Look At Yourself In The Mirror And You Say Your Name. And It Gets To A Point Where None Of It Seems Real.

I Don’t Know If You’ve Ever Felt Like That. That You Wanted To Sleep For A Thousand Years. Or Just Not Exist. Or Just Not Be Aware That You Do Exist. Or Something Like That. I Think Wanting That Is Very Morbid, But I Want It When I Get Like This. That’s Why I’m Trying Not To Think. I Just Want It All To Stop Spinning.

Despite Everything My Mom And Doctor And Dad Have Said To Me About Blame, I Can't Stop Thinking What I Know. And I Know That My Aunt Helen Would Still Be Alive Today If She Just Bought Me One Present Like Everybody Else. She Would Be Alive If I Were Born On A Day That Didn't Snow.