I Hate Turkeys. If You Stand In

If You Want To Talk To Me After The Show, I'd Be Surprised.

I Ate One Anchovy, And That Is Why I Did Not Eat Two Anchovies.

I Think Pringles Initial Intention Was To Make Tennis Balls. But On The Day That The Rubber Was Supposed To Show Up, A Big Truckload Of Potatoes Arrived. But Pringles Is A Laid Back Company. They Said, "screw It. Cut 'em Up!"

I Was Booked Into The Riviera Hotel In Las Vegas With Three Other Comedians. We All Were Using The Riviera In-house Shampoo, So We All Had Equal Shine And Bounce.

I Ordered A Club Sandwich, But I'm Not Even A Member. "i Like My Sandwiches With Three Pieces Of Bread." "well, So Do I!" "then Let's Form A Club." "ok, But We Need Some More Stipulations. Instead Of Cutting The Sandwich Once, Let's Cut It Again. Yes, Four Triangles, Arranged In A Circle, And In The Middle We Will Dump Chips." "how Do You Feel About Frilly Toothpicks?" "i'm For 'em!" "well, This Club Is Formed."