I Hate People Who Think It's Clever

And People Are Intrigued If I Really Am As Grumpy In Real Life. People Feel A Bit Let Down If I'm Laughing Or Smiling.

The Rain Forest Has Sting. Now Siberia Has Jack Dee. Someone Had To Draw The Short Straw. In This Case It Was The Rain Forest.

I Was On Various Anti-depressants, But Not For Long - I Didn't Function Very Well On Them. I Felt Sort Of Flattened Out.

They Call It 'surfing' The Net. It's Not Surfing. It's Typing In Your Bedroom

In My Local Newspaper, They Had This Advert: 'please Look After Your Neighbours In The Cold Weather'. I Live Next Door To This 84-year-old Woman, And Do You Know, Not Once Has She Come Round To See If I'm All Right. The Lazy Cow Hasn't Even Taken Her Milk In For A Fortnight.