I Hate Learning Through Experience. Just Once

I Was Going To Have Cosmetic Surgery Until I Noticed That The Doctor's Office Was Full Of Portraits By Picasso.

You Know The Oxygen Masks On Airplanes? I Don't Think There's Really Any Oxygen. I Think They're Just To Muffle The Screams.

We Live In Los Angeles, Where You Are Expected To Move Every Two To Four Years, So People Can See How Well Your Career Is Going.

Men Reach Their Sexual Peak At Eighteen. Women Reach Theirs At Thirty-five. Do You Get The Feeling That God Is Playing A Practical Joke?

Men Accept Compliments Much Better Than Women Do. Example: "mitch, You Look Great." Mitch: "thanks." On The Other Side: "ruth, You Look Great." Ruth: "i Do? Must Be The Lighting."