I Had My Palm Read. I Wrote

When I Get A Cold Sore, I Put Carmex On It, Because Carmex Is Supposed To Alleviate Cold Sores. I Don't Know If It Does Help, But It Will Make Them More Shiny And Noticeable. It's Like Cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe They Could Come Up With An Arrow That Heals Cold Sores.

Comedy Clubs Have Brick Walls Behind The Performer. Bricks Make You Funny. When I'm In Front Of A Fireplace, I'm Hilarious.

A Severed Foot Is The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer.

Last Time I Called Shotgun We Had Rented A Limo, So I Messed Up!

My Girlfriend Works At Hooters. In The Kitchen.