I Gotta Quit Smoking, Doctor's Orders, And

You Gotta Make Your Own Fun. That's Right, Listen To That Mother Of Two, She Knows What I'm Talking About.

Aspirin Will Not Bring Dead Hookers Back To Life.

I'm Very Romantic When I Masturbate. Sometimes I Light A Candle...then I Try And Shoot It Out. It's Like A Carnival.

My Day Jobs... I Knew I Was Bad At Those, So I Didn't Really Have The Confidence To Think That I Could Do Comedy. But I Knew I Hated The Day Jobs.

When I Was A Kid, I Really Loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.