I Got My Dog Three Years Ago

I Also Like A Great Caesar Salad With Anchovies, Although I Don't Know Why Some Places Say 'with Anchovies.' If You're Making A Proper Caesar Salad, It's Going To Have Anchovies.

I Don't Have A Bank Account Because I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name And Apparently That's The Key To The Whole Thing Right There. I Go In Every Few Weeks And Guess.

The Problem With Cats Is That They Get The Exact Same Look On Their Face Whether They See A Moth Or An Axe-murderer.

I Love Talking To The Audience, And I Must Be The Luckiest Performer In The World. I Always Land Something Or Somebody That Just Takes Off.

My Mom Is One Of Those Really Angry Moms Who Gets Mad At Absolutely Everything. Once When I Was A Little Kid, I Accidentally Knocked A Flintstones Glass Off The Kitchen Table. She Said, 'well, Dammit, We Can't Have Nice Things.'