I Get Paid For What Most Kids

People Say, "how Would You Like To Be Remembered?" I Don't Want To Be Remembered. Gimme A Break. What I Want Is To Hear What's Great About Me Now. Let Me Hear It! In The Box You Don't Hear These Eulogies.

If I Found The Cure For Dystrophy Tomorrow, I Would Do A Telethon In Four Weeks For Acute Pain That In This Country Is A Bigger Problem Than Cancer, Heart, Sickle Cell, Anemia, Name It. It Is - It's Hitting 70 Million Americans.

You Might As Well Like Yourself; Just Think About All The Time You're Gonna Have To Spend With You.

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.

I Am Probably The Most Selfish Man You Will Ever Meet In Your Life. No One Gets The Satisfaction Or The Joy That I Get Out Of Seeing Kids Realize There Is Hope.