I Get All Of My Comedy From

I Have A Wife And Two Daughters; People Who Depend On Me. Everything Is More Important Than It Was When I Was 20. But Now I'm Like, "eh, I Made It This Far."

I Remember Interviewing Someone I Actually Felt Bad For, And Therefore Didn't Want To Take An Ironic Stance Against Him. It Actually Turned Out To Be A Really Funny Piece.

Once I Found Out How Much An Off-off-broadway Actor Makes, I Was Whoring Myself Out The Next Day.

I Didn't Really Feel 100 Percent Comfortable Until We Started Working On The 2004 Election.

I Peed In My Wife's Boot Once. On Honeymoon, In Madrid, We Were Drinking Absinthe And Somehow Made It Back To Our Hotel. I Don't Remember A Second Of This, But My Wife Woke Up To This Noise. Two Of Her Boots Were In The Corner, One Had Fallen Down And The Other Was Standing Up And I Was Peeing Into It! It Was A Hole, And It Looked Like A Toilet. She Said: "rob, Wake Up, You're Peeing Into My Shoe!"