I Get A Lot Of Return Business.

I'll Never Understand Why People Go To Movie Theaters To Have Conversations. Going To The Movies To Talk Is Like Going To A Restaurant To Cook. The Idea Is That You Have Paid Your Money To Have Someone Do Something Better Than You Can Do It Yourself.

My Father Was Never Very Friendly. When I Was Growing Up, I Thought The Doorbell Ringing Was A Signal To Pretend You Weren't Home.

In Hollywood A Marriage Is A Success If It Outlasts Milk.

My Cousin Just Got Married For The Totally Wrong Reasons. She Married A Man For Money. She Wasn't Real Subtle About It. Instead Of Calling Him Her Fiancé, She Kept Calling Him Her Financee.

Men Who Can Eat Anything They Want And Not Gain Weight Should Do It Out Of Sight Of The Women They're Married To.