I Feel Like Soundtrack Music Is Almost

It's A Horrible Economy But I'm Trying To Do My Part. I Just Bought A New Shower Curtain It Has All The Presidents On It. Do You Know How Hard It Is To Masturbate With All The Presidents Staring At You? And When The Water Hits Them It Looks Like They're Crying.

If You Take Off Your Pants And Her First Reaction Is, "awwww, Look At It...like A Little Baby Jesus." Time To Buy A Porsche.

I'm Not The Comic Of The Generation, I'm Not Even The Funniest Guy In My Family.

I Don't Think I'm A Star Or A Celebrity Or Any Thing Like That.

Sometimes It's Hard To Tell If A Joke Is Working Or Not For The First Couple Of Minutes.