I Feel Bad For People Who Have

I'm Just Saying, 'hey, Throw Me A Bone. How About A Smile, Cute T-shirt? Look At Me.' Nothing - Unless It's A Turn To Their Friends To Go, 'hey, Why Is That Weird Guy Looking At Us?'

You Get All Excited To Give Her The Ring, And It's Real Emotional, And You Give It To Her, And She Cries. And A Second Later, You're Like, 'damn, I Could Have Had A Car.'

I Used To Be Jealous; I'm Not Jealous Anymore. And A Miracle Happened To Me, Because If You're Jealous, It's A Cancer, It's A Plague On Your Spirit, It Really Is. And I Actually Cured Jealousy In A Very Weird Way - I Cured It With Mathematics. And I'm Not A Math Person At All, But I've Been With My Wife For About Seven Years, So We Have Had Sex Probably, I'd Like To Think, Like, 9 Million Times Or, At Least, 1,500. So, The Way I Figured It, If She Goes Out And Screws Some Other Guy Once - I'm Still Winning.

Show Business Is One Of The Few Businesses That The Devil Will Actually Agree To Own Just A Portion Of Your Soul Because He Knows If You Have A Performer's Ego You Were Probably Working For Him All Along.

Art Is Supposed To Punch You In The Brain, And It's Supposed To Stay Punched.